Being a Mom with OCD
For moms dealing with OCD and postpartum OCD
I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Since middle school I’ve gone through so many hills and valleys with it. The manifestation of the disorder has changed dramatically since those very first intrusive thoughts as an 11 year old, but I’ve come to realize that OCD actually evolves as I do, which is just great.
I’m so thankful for wonderful therapists who understand this and help me work through this, but that doesn’t make it any easier when a new thought pops up suddenly.
Since becoming a mom, my OCD symptoms have changed dramatically once again. I still obsess over myself, but now I also obsess over my daughter. This looks like a lot of different things. There’s the separation anxiety when I leave her for even an hour, the rumination over the damage I could be doing to her without knowing, and the fear of the future and what harm I am yet to cause. It’s exhausting.
I’m coming to the tail end of a really bad stream of OCD days where I worried a lot about my daughter’s health. Last weekend she woke up in the middle of the night struggling to breathe.
I called the pediatric nurse line and they asked if her chest was con-caved. That’s when the OCD chimed in. I could see her breathing normally, but my brain was telling me that her chest was collapsing.
So, of course, I was told to take her to the emergency room. But before we got in the car I could see that she was acting normally.
My brain was screaming EMERGENCY while my daughter was telling me she was okay.
I ended up FaceTiming with my parents most of the night because I couldn’t trust myself to make the best decision for my daughter.
We made it through the night and to urgent care in the morning. She ended up having a viral infection and an ear infection, but no issues breathing.
We were sent home with a steroid and an antibiotic, and so since then I’ve been trying not to obsess over her medication intake, which has been very hard when my daughter fights taking it and spits out a bunch.
It’s been a long week, but I’m finally starting to feel a bit better about it all.
About 1-2% of moms experience postpartum or perinatal OCD, most likely as a result of previously having OCD or a family history of OCD. I can’t imagine experiencing symptoms of OCD for the first time as a new mom. Intrusive thoughts can be very jarring and often times come out of nowhere, so to experience that and not know the cause can be terrifying.
I’m not a therapist, so I can’t officially diagnose or treat anyone’s OCD, but I did want to share some things that have helped me with my OCD, especially since becoming a mom. A lot of times postpartum OCD deals out thoughts about harm coming to your baby, and I know those types of thoughts all too well. Here are some things that have helped me.
Therapy
I figured I’d start with the obvious. Therapy and medication have been game changers when it comes to OCD. It’s hard for other people to understand what OCD is. I do a lot of ruminating, and if I had a nickel for every time someone told me to just stop thinking about something when I’m in an episode I’d be a rich woman.
A therapist with knowledge of OCD can be so beneficial because they can tell you what’s “normal” for OCD. When I was first diagnosed, half of my therapy sessions revolved around me explaining my obsessive thoughts and looking to my therapist to tell me if that was a normal part of OCD or if I really was this weirdo who thought like this. 100% of the time it was the OCD and it made me feel so much better.
It can take some time to find the right therapist, but don’t give up. There are even online options so you don’t have to venture out of the house in those early postpartum days.
Redirect
Because I tend to ruminate, I often will try to redirect my thoughts to something else. Sometimes that looks like watching a tv show or listening to a podcast, sometimes it looks like forcibly thinking about anything other than the intrusive thought. If I’m with another person, I’ll ask them to distract me or try to focus on what’s going on around me.
This takes some practice, because intrusive thoughts are persistent. I’ve learned to give myself grace in those moments and just try my best.
Talk About It
Just like it takes a village to parent, it takes a village to live with a mental health disorder. There are people I trust who know exactly what happens when OCD flares up and can handle if I tell them what the intrusive thought is.
I had to educate these family members and friends about OCD, and I had to tell them what I needed in those moments. Sometimes just stating the fear out loud makes it lose its potency, so it’s important that whoever I say the thought to doesn’t make it a huge deal.
I have really good days where I barely notice my OCD and I have days that are extremely difficult to weather, but these things help get me through.
If you are diagnosed - postpartum or clinically - know that you’re not alone.
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