Lessons Moms Can Learn From Happy Place by Emily Henry

The importance of finding your happy in all the places.

Hi friends!

I recently read Happy Place by Emily Henry and was pleasantly surprised by the lessons I learned from it as a mom. I went in looking for a fun Emily Henry rom com and came out realizing that I needed to write about how moms have a huge impact on their children.

Because in reading about Harriet and Wyn, I saw the influence of Harriet’s parents’ marriage on their lives.

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Unsplash

Happy Place is about Harriet and Wyn pretending to still be engaged during a trip to Maine with their best friends and realizing that there was a lot still left unsaid between them.

The story goes back and forth between this present trip and their past. It’s in the past that Harriet shares how she feels about her parents with Wyn. It becomes apparent very quickly that so much of how she feels her life should go comes from a need to please her parents.

Harriet grew up with her mom, dad, and older sister, Eloise. She grew up knowing her parents had big goals in life that were derailed when they got pregnant for the first time.

Eloise imploded from all the pressure from her parents. She did the exact opposite of what was expected of her. But Harriet became the poster child that every parent thinks they want. She was smart, ambitious, and polite. She didn’t rock the boat.

From a young age she decided she would be a doctor. Not because she was really interested in health or science, but because she knew it was a career that would afford her the ability to pay her parents back from all of their sacrifices.

Harriet was able to infer from her parents’ relationship that they gave up everything to be good parents. They probably wouldn’t have gotten married if they hadn’t gotten pregnant the first time. But they doubled down, had a second child, and just let their resentment for each other fester.

All of their hopes and dreams were laid on Harriet, which is something that I’m definitely aware of when it comes to parenting.

Photo by Xavier Mouton Photographie on Unsplash

I want so many wonderful things for my daughter, but more than anything I want her to be happy. So I don’t want my dreams for her to eclipse the dreams she wants for herself.

A big reason I want to some day have another child is so all of the family pressure isn’t placed solely on my daughter. I’m going to make mistakes as her mom, but if she’s got a sibling then at least they can be there for each other and share the burden.

I think Harriet shouldered a lot of the perfectionist burden herself. Her sister left while Harriet was still young and the pressure just added up. She was left being the “good child” and was expected to stay that way.

I think she learned that in order to earn her parents’ love she had to be accomplished, and that was motivation to excel in school and dream of a big career.

Then she met Wyn, who was very good at making her feel seen and loved for exactly who she was. And she wasn’t sure how to handle it. Part of her knew that she desperately wanted to be loved this way, but it hadn’t been modeled for her.

I loved something Wyn said to Harriet while they were hashing out their past: “Your parents made their decisions, and I’m not saying their situation was easy, or that they didn’t do the best they could. But it wasn’t enough.”

Harriet’s parents were so proud of her, but it wasn’t enough. They encouraged her to go far in life and do better than they could, but it wasn’t enough. She needed to feel their unconditional love.

That was the one thing they weren’t able to show her because they were so caught up in what they’d given up. It’s heartbreaking to me that Harriet ever once thought that she was a burden to her parents, that it was her fault that they weren’t happy.

I never want my daughter to feel like that.

Towards the end of the story Harriet is able to have a really good conversation with her mom where she shares that she knows her parents gave everything up for her.

“No,” her mom says. “I gave everything up for your father… I thought if he was happy, that would be enough… I’m terrified…that you’re going to wake up one day and realize you built your life around someone else and there’s no room for you.”

Harriet’s mom gave everything up for her husband, but Harriet always thought she and her sister were to blame. I just can’t help but think about the messages we send to our kids even when we don’t mean to.

Photo by Austin Chan on Unsplash

As wives and mothers, it’s so easy to get caught up in that identity, to make it your whole personality. I know that I have to remind myself that I am more than this. I love being a wife and mom, but I have my own goals and aspirations that I don’t want to derail indefinitely. That’s part of the reason I started this newsletter.

Because I don’t want to one day wake up and resent all the things that I didn’t do.

So much is expected from moms, but that doesn’t mean we don’t still have expectations for ourselves outside of motherhood. Our dreams are still important.

I finished this book feeling like I should grab happiness wherever I could find it. Sometimes that’s with my daughter and my husband. Sometimes that’s when I’m working on my picture book drafts. Sometimes that’s watching trashy reality TV and petting my dog. Sometimes that’s reading a really, really good book. Each of those things are important and worth doing.

So, friend, I want you to finish this newsletter feeling the same. No matter what stage of life you’re in, find your happy in all the places that you can. You deserve it.

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